Every day he sleeps until 1 or 4. He'll wake up sometime in there. It's mostly because he stays up ALL night ALL the time just playing guitar or watching stupid Netflix and it drives me crazy because I get up every morning, whether I've had enough rest or not, with Nairah. I'm the one who gets up with her and tries to keep her entertained until he wakes up. Sometimes my mom (who works night shifts) actually wakes up before him and so she gives me a break. I see other couples and the dads get up in the mornings with the moms. It's not just the mom and the baby for more than half the day. Nairah goes to sleep at around 8-10 so I mean he's only awake with her for 5 hours out of the whole day. Towards the end of the day, when she's getting ready to go to bed he leaves and plays guitar or smokes with his friends. I don't care if he smokes, at all, but I do care that I'm the one spending hours and hours with Nairah. Sometimes I need a break too you know! Why am I always the one who wakes up in the morning?? I don't understand. I'm not trying to sit here and say Michael's a bad dad, don't get that from me ranting. He is a great dad when he's awake. He plays with her, bathes her, talks to her, ect. He does a good job, but he sleeps MOST of the time she's awake and then he's awake all night when she's asleep!

I've been asking Michael to go to the park with Nairah and me. I know she's small and can't really play around yet, but I took her once and she liked it! She likes looking around and observing everything. I also think I can sit her in a baby swing and give her a tiny push (not too much because she's pretty small still haha). Michael got up an hour maybe an hour and a half ago (3:00ish) and I said we should go to the park because it's nice outside. He said don't you have to do homework? I said I'll finish it when she goes to sleep because that's really the only time I can fully concentrate on homework and get it done. I wanted to go outside with Nairah and I wanted Michael to come with me because he didn't go the first time she went to the park. He said he was going to take a shower and take her to his grandparents (he hasn't been over there in a little while) and he said I could do my homework. I said, "Okay......." I mean I already told him I would do it when she goes to sleep and I told him I want to go to the park. Its not like we have anything important to do, you know? So then I'm upset because it seems like he never wants to do things with Nairah. He just wants to stay home with her all day or go to his grandparents with her (they watch her over there, its not him watching her). I feel like he should WANT to see his daughter at the park. He should WANT to see her little facial expressions when she sees new things and does new things, but it seems like he doesn't. The other day I wanted to take Nairah with my mom to a restaurant and I wanted Michael to come. We didn't have any money to spend at the time at a restaurant but my mom was going to pay for us. I thought it'd be fun because Michael hasn't been out to a restaurant with her before (we went to cici's with her.. I didn't really count that though..). He said he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay home and try to nap. Well, he didn't get to nap because I left Nairah with him. I had been watching her all day, as usual, so I got my break.

Now I'm just annoyed sitting here and Michael took my baby over to his grandparents (people who can't even apologize for being rude!) and he doesn't care about taking Nairah anywhere or experiencing any of her firsts.

I feel very frustrated at times, with Michael. I feel like he can be so extremely selfish and he does't even notice, but then I feel like he really does try most the time so I never want to give him a hard time about the times he is very selfish. I know can be very selfish too, we all can be because we are human, but it drives me crazy!

When he gets back I'm going to talk to him about it. See, I get up very early with Nairah every morning. Today was a special day where I just laid in bed with Nairah and went back to sleep because I was just sooo tired for some reason. Anyways, I ALWAYS am the one who gets up in the morning with her. She likes to get up anywhere from 7:30 to 10:30. Usually closer to 7:30. So I'm up pretty early and I go to sleep pretty early as well since I'm on Nairah's schedule. Michael NEVER gets up early with her. He stays up soooo late every night and then he never gets up with her to give me a chance to sleep in for once. I go to classes twice a week and those are the days Michael does have to get up early with Nairah, but he usually puts her in the swing and goes back to bed. Which I find annoying because she likes to talk in the mornings and I don't like him just shoving her in a swing so he can sleep, but that isn't that big of a deal since Nairah is happy. That's just my personal preference. Anyways, Tuesdays are very early days. I leave the house at 7 AM. As I was leaving Nairah was squirming around in the bassinet because it was time for her to eat. I told Michael to get up and feed her 3 or 4 times before he actually got up. I understand its difficult for him to wake up, but he needs to get over it and get up when it's his daughter who needs to eat. Thursdays I leave around 10. I get up and pump milk out of my boobs for Nairah in the morning, so thats what I was doing Thursday morning. Michael comes out of the room not even 5 minutes later looking for me. He's annoyed because baby is awake...... He is annoyed at me because I left her awake in the room with him... This was very annoying. She WAS asleep I guess until I put her in her bassinet after her morning feeding and when I left the room I assume thats when she woke up. I had to pump and get ready for school so Michael needed to get up if she was awake. Well anyways, my mom took Nairah because she loves to play with her and kept her until Nairah fell asleep since Michael is rude and expects me to take care of Nairah in th mornings. Today I was just pushed too much. I usually let his sleeping thing go and I don't bother him about it, but today I was so completely exhausted and I wanted to sleep so badly. Michael should have gotten up and taken care of Nairah for me. He should have said "I'll watch her this morning, you go ahead and sleep." Luckily, Nairah is kind to me and let me sleep longer, but I felt bad for making Nairah sleep so long. She is a little girl. She needs to have her mind stimulated. She needs to be thinking and learning, not sleeping a long time because her mom and dad are sleeping. It just really bothers me that I ALWAYS have to get up with her in the morning. I love getting up with her, don't get me wrong. She's so fun in the mornings because she's talking and smiling and it's so cute, but I would appreciate it if sometimes Michael would get up and let me sleep longer or just get up with me and enjoy her company in the mornings with me. :/

I'm going to talk to him when he gets back...

By the way, I'm going to get some dreads started in a few weeks! I'm very excitedddd! :))

And Karla, I think you should make a tumblr because I use it much more often, but I'm going to write in here when it's more personal stuff I don't want everyone to have access too.